I was 14 when mom and dad told us Mam Thembi would be our second mother. Inmany countries all over the world, polygamy is not permitted by law and marrying multiple partners is simply not allowed. 2010;57(1): 121-127. Lots of people are betraying their partners while pretending to be monogamous. Since this is nobody's tremulous, maiden love affair, get ready to handle some emotional baggage as a second wife. He's not a wealthy man, he has another family and I accepted that.'. Polyamory is not just about sex, both Farmer and Schippers point out, whereas open marriages, open relationships and swinging tend to emphasize the sexual parts of a relationship. Mrs. Arslan was the first wife of her husband. I'm seven months pregnant. 2009; 103(1): 17-29. She said, "1st wife of my husband is working so 2nd wife of my husband and I used to manage the household chores. Jealousy: Jealousy is a common response to protect ones relationship [14]. While in past empirical tests showed that children are strategic complements. In the beginning, females refused to share their partners but with time they accept it. He was a handsome 25-year-old who worked as a miner, and when he asked her gogo if he could marry Lillian, Nomqondiso agreed. He loved her, and I was fond of her, Lillian says. Polygamy; Antecedents of Polygamy; Outcomes of Polygamy; Coping Strategies of Co-wives. Finding the right path for their family also provides an opportunity for bonding. I know in some families the children of the first wife have some sort of higher status, but this is my home and I dont want to raise my children like that, Thamsanqa says. Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. So second marriages tend to have less of the giddiness and more of the serious daily life attached. They adhere to the rules that all three of us set for them, like normal children. Zakhele walks in with his youngest brother, Thembekile*, 2, in his arms. Treating me with the resentment of a union official watching a house being constructed with non-union labor, my erstwhile friend watched me build up and remodel my life. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, 2. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. Changes to the law have meant that women in customary marriages now have more protection than before. It could have been the man's problem too. All the above shows that there is really no marriage between the both parties. The psychological health of women is essential to raising a sound, healthy family and should receive high priority, particularly in developing countries where resources are limited. 2231-7791 Copyright 2023, Department of psychiatry, Institute of Applied Psychology University of Punjab, Lahore, Pakistan. They often include not-so-subtle warnings about what's to come, designed to keep you strong and united in the face of conflict, change, hardship, kids. They know what they want and work hard they dont just take the mans words as the Bible.. | It protects the families from contracting sexually transmitted diseases and possible deviation to an illegal sexual association [3]. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. The Quranic prescription for polygamy suggests that men can marry two, three or four wives (but not the other way round, naturally). This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome.. The historic context was that men often died in battle . Gina Barreca, Ph.D., a board of trustees distinguished professor at UConn, is the author of 10 books, including the bestselling They Used to Call Me Snow White, But I Drifted. Its like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. Problematic: Polygamy can be problematic from a legal and religious way. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. Mrs. Abdullah also told though they have minor disputes among co-wives still they help each other. A false rumour that men in Eritrea would be legally obliged to marry at least two women went viral this week. She has never absolved me from the sin of being happy. She got a marriage proposal from a married man to be his second wife as his first wife had a medical condition due to which he had not been able to sleep with her for last 11 years. Polyandry is a specific term used to describe marriages between one wife and at least two husbands. She told, "I used to cry in isolation". He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. Over breakfast her husband told her something that would make any woman choke on her toast: he wanted to take a second wife. I knew my family wouldnt approve of our marriage, but I was weak. A sample of 11 polygamous women was included through snowball sampling from the different cities of the province of Punjab, Pakistan with an age range of 18-50 years. Somehow, you probably have always pictured someone who has never been married. Mrs. Gulzar was another first/senior wife having three daughters. Mrs. Kamal helped to take care of her co-wife and her new born. Therefore, in line with the objectives of this study, qualitative interviews were a superlative choice for inductive approaches aimed at generating concepts and hypotheses that have far more potential for research than any other model. Instituting change for women in a male-dominated society is a daunting task; however, it is essential. Jankowiak W, Sudakov M, Wilreker BC. Opponents of decriminalization say the current law should not be changed because polygamy is inherently dangerous and harmful to women and children, particularly young girls, some of whom have. A lady was working in front of her husbands' clinic and usually visited the clinic. That does not negate their significance to you and your partner (s), but the union will not be recognized by the law. She was divorced from her second husband because of infertility and the first time her husband died of an illness. In the long run, it is usually the second wife who is accepting of polygamy. She told that She was like a witch, spoiled my whole family. You feel the need to establish more control over the decisions of your partner. Police Helicopter Edinburgh Now, Suncast Bms2500 Hinges, Louisiana Slang Quiz, Nan Drummond Type Of Cancer, Is Tyler Labine Related To Jack Black, Little Girl Emily Murdered Music Box, Canton, Ma Newspaper Obituaries, Posted January 19, 2023. in All of that financial mess can translate into a financially difficult second marriage. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. It doesnt mean that it wont last. This was a very uncertain and painful time for me. His family says it was unaware of any "second. Crookston EM. Rehman J. "If you are the second or third or fourth wife, that marital relationship is not going to be recognized for immigration purposes. So she said I always support my husband for equal treatment with all wives because this life is much better than the previous one." The participants expressed the usage of different coping Strategies in polygamous marriage as religion, fate, compromise, and sisterly bond with co-wives. There are many things about a divorced family that can be nontraditional, especially holidays. like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. The real term for that arrangement is polygyny, "the practice or condition of having more than one wife at one time." Poly was defined above, and -gyny probably looks familar, from words like misogyny and gynecology: it's the Greek gyne, "woman." My mother is a retired teacher and my dad could never keep a job, so she supported us. But Professor Maphalala says although each family has its own way of doing things, its usually the husband who decides how the children should be disciplined. Provide the three areas that were Islamized. 2006;52(1); 5-17. 'I've been a second wife for a year and a half. The outcomes of polygamous marriages have also been seen. I will make another video using your. The positive side of the study is to explore the advantages and strategies used by polygamous women were very significant. She met Mr. Kamran 6 years back and married her after falling in love. She told that My in-laws had not good relationships with the first wife of my husband. With over 100k combined users in countries around the world (including 2,000 active users in Canada), Chaiwala's latest move is to launch a Google Play app for SecondWife.com, to bring polygamy . I realized, several years after I remarried, that one of my oldest friends never quite forgave me for getting on with life after my divorce. Also, if your husband has financial problems, he had no right to marry you in the first place. Ashraf story mirrors that of 25% of Egyptian husbands who, according to statistics provided by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research (NCSCR), take on a second wife within three years of their marriage. "If it's mostly. Published: Decisions made by two people in first families are often made or influenced by four or more adults in stepfamilies. Love and (Polygamous) Marriage? The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. In the Muslim world, polygamy is acknowledged because it is supported and associated with religious doctrine as well as a fair and legal way of relationship. Holloway ID, Ansari D. Mapping numerical magnitudes onto symbols: The numerical distance effect and individual differences in childrens mathematics achievement. Thus, two things relating to marriage have affected the overall percentage of the population who find polygamy acceptable: more unmarried people in the population, and the fact that these. First theme: reasons of polygamy as findings indicated that majority of females allowed their husbands for co-wives due to infertility or having only female children, husbands love marriage, and in-laws family pressure because they wanted to secure their marriage instead of divorce. Polygamy.com. Also watch: A guide for second wives to create a happy blended family. They are sister wives, which means they have a friendship as well. Because her first husband always cursed him by saying a childless woman. A record of 26 women was collected for polygamous families through snowball sampling for the availability of co-wives. Mrs. Imam was the first wife with a love marriage and she had two female children in three years. 2016; 22(3): 272-286. Which Board Game Sums Up Your Life: "Aggravation"? How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. One of the misconceptions about being someone's second wife is that you'll have no choice but to have a low-key courthouse wedding with minimal fanfare, and that the ghosts of weddings past will linger. The study was an attempt to gain perspective about the causes of polygamy, its consequences, and the most important womens ways of coping strategies in polygamous marriages. Formal permission was taken from the institution for data collection. You find yourself constantly comparing yourself with his ex-wife. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. But the current qualitative study is an attempt to fill the gaps that are left unexposed by survey-based or quantitative research and particularly to explore the positive consequences of polygamy and coping strategies which the polygamous women used to deal with co-wives relationships other than causes and disadvantages of co-wives. They were much younger than my mother, just eight years older than me. 2014; 5(27): 1058-1058. An analysis of 11 cases of polygamous women transcribed verbatim showed a cluster of themes as infertility or having only female children, love marriage of husband, family pressure, the relationships among co-wives, and their coping strategies to accept this relationship in their marital life. READ MORE:Customary law know your rights. In times of uncertainty you need journalism you can trust. But the . But after few months it was disclosed. Incidentally, polygamy is illegal for non-Muslims according to Federal law but is allowed for Muslim men under Sharia Law. Mrs. Arslan did not avail of divorce and said it was her fate to share her husband with her co-wife for the future of her children. The findings of the study indicate that polygamy is a painful and bitter pill for most women to swallow. She said, "We both share the housework and I always take care of her children". She was the first wife of her husband and it was a happy arranged marriage. My husband is as much a second husband as Im a second wife. It doesnt mean that it cant be wonderful. In Muslim families the textual basis is provided by the Holy Quran for the practice of polygamy: "Marry women of your choice two, or three, or four, but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one". Theyd been happily married for 15 years when she received the shock of her life. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. In this concern two research experts (co-authors) were consulted. Shed dropped out of school to help her sick grandmother, Nomqondiso, when Thamsanqa asked her for her hand in marriage. King MT. Mediterranean Journal of Social Sciences. Many people think bigamy and polygamy mean the same thing . 1.Why your spouse (husband) preferred 2nd or 3rd marriage? A couple of years after her mother's death, Deschamps' father remarried in an LDS Temple and was sealed to his second wife. Journal of Family Studies. Mrs. Amir was the 2nd wife and also had no children her husband married her for children and his family again forced him for 3rd wife by giving the reference of the religious doctrine. 2008; 148(6): 745-764. She said "After it, my husband was not trustworthy for me anymore. She also said, "'my children and 1 should get a fair and deserving share of the marriage and properties". Journal of Moral Philosophy. There is splitting the assets, each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. Her ex-husband died. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. Relationships are hard, and if things go wrong, we get hurt. Seven women were single before marriage, while two were divorced and two were widowed. What kind of man has three wives and no job? Mrs. Arslan told that she was shocked when she came to know about her husband's affair. Between birth and death: Female infanticide in nineteenth-century China. She almost lost her life I couldnt bear the thought of losing her. He kisses the back of Lillians hand as he talks. There was a higher prevalence of somatization, depression, anxiety, hostility, paranoid ideation, psychoticism, general symptom severity, positive symptoms total, and psychiatric disorder, as well as lower ratings of life and marital satisfaction, family functioning, and self-esteem among polygamous wives [ 12 ]. Its a hard stigma to run away from and can lead to many second marriage challenges. 2007; 21(1), 108-127. Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. Understand that he couldve cheated, but rather chose something that is common in African culture. Thamsanqa says its important to make sure you really want another wife, and to thoroughly analyse your reasons. You get easily insecure and offended as you feel that everything your spouse does revolve around his ex-wife and kids. Go figure. But then came Thamsanqas shattering statement. Azad Chaiwala says he first "came out" as polygamous when he was just 12 . Her husband got married to Miss Sobia who was the 2nd wife and it was again a love marriage. Following subthemes were included in these main theme categories. So finding a man who respects women like uBaba is a blessing, The two women share the home duties between them, taking turns cooking and cleaning, and their six children help with the dishes and other household duties. She said, 2nd wife of my husband also helps me in daily households activities. International Journal of Mental Health. So, you're happily married to the Muslim man of your dreams when, suddenly, he drops the p-bomb: polygamy. Participant Mrs. Abdullah stated that in her pain after her 1st husband's death and later divorce from her previous husband due to barrenness when she met her third husband who dealt her effectively with her emotional pain. The sensitivity and the comfort level of discussing polygyny may have affected the sample size. And more children too they are all so respectful and loving, a clear example of the home theyre being brought up in.. She had a male child during the interview. Christianity condemns polygamy as an offence against the dignity of marriage, insisting that conjugal love between a man and wife must be mutual and unreserved, undivided and exclusive. Mrs. Mustafa said, she approved and permitted her husband to 2nd marriage. Of importance is the need to disseminate the findings of studies like this one to those who are in a position to make change a reality. 2006; 45(3): 311330. Polygamy | Becoming A Second Wife | Accepting Other Wives 13,077 views May 15, 2020 154 Dislike Share Diaspora Ukhti 3.66K subscribers This is a survey only! youre over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. Mrs. Abdullah also had a love marriage. What are the disadvantages of being a second wife? But few years passed her husband was involved with another lady and married after few years. I told her that if it was going to make her unhappy I would forget about the whole idea. A nurse brought me this far she took me into her arms and her home and decided she would be my mother. Her relationship with her co-wife was perceived to be sisterly. But over the years, as we get in our 30s and 40s, we mature and realize that life just happens, no matter if you plan for other things. She said, there was a time when I thought no one in the world was in my favor except God". As she said 'I am unable to fulfill the needs or desires of my husband, so I allowed him for 2nd marriage. Second marriages also have a much larger cast of characters than any first marriage. Even extended family like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. He may be wounded and certain things may trigger an emotional response, such as . One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. Lower incentive to cheat in a marriage. For Lillian Makhubalo* it was like a blow to the heart. Social Change. The study describes the different experiences, reasons behind polygamy, its outcomes, and the coping strategies used by first, second, and third wives. You constantly feel that your partner knowingly or unknowingly puts his previous family before you and your needs. That tends to bring with it even more debt and insecurities. Journalism strengthens democracy. 17-Dec-2021, DOI: 10.54615/2231-7805.47221. However later on she has also accepted co-wife because of infertility and destiny. In all the other cases of infertility, family pressure was the main factor despite childlessness (Table 1). Couples Therapy: Whats the Difference? Naturally, I instantly felt like I wasnt woman enough for him, Lillian says. 2006; 52(1): 5-17. Outcomes of polygamous marriages were a second theme generated by evaluating the relationships of co-wives. Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. Evelyn shrugs and says women should always know their rights and not be afraid to fight for them. Then there are the kids. The women of polygamous families shared their lived experiences of polygamy. Most Muslims do not practice polygamy. While Pakistan being an Islamic state where religion allows polygamy, the more typical reasons have been observed in the current study by multiple co-wives such as infertility, a woman being a mother only by female children, love marriage, or family pressure with the reference of religious doctrine.

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